Masseur Adventure

I have this guilt feeling for being slowly addicted to the male massage service in Beijing.

It started as a real need to de-stress that turned out to be habit-forming. The massages I have had were all awesome except for one that I paid a high price for. And it involved a guy in his late twenties who is irresistible and lured me to my weakness.

Being in a relationship, going into a sensual adventure with a masseur when my partner is away is something to really fret about. I have tried to put a stop to it but so far it has been unsuccessful. My secondary consideration is the money involved. It doesn't cost cheap! I could have spent that money somewhere more worthwhile. BUT, after working so hard in this trying place you have the urge to reward yourself with excesses.

I just rang up the gay outcall service a few minutes ago and here I am exploring my thoughts and feelings about this adventure while waiting for my masseur to arrive. My iBook is my trusty confidante. It knows what lurks behind my so-called angelic nature to many.

I always fancy men laying their hands on my body and doing sensual strokes here and there until you lose it! Some of them, like the one I just called up, are purely for sex more than anything else. However, I insisted that I be given a massage only so they won't charge me the full amount of 800 RMB.

My partner will surely freak out when he learns of my hidden meanderings. Although it is just pure out of curiosity and the idea of luxury, it is still inexcusable. I already set out a big plan for my partner and myself so we could live a happy life together. And here I am engaging in some secret business that is dishonest and disloyal.

I easily blow up things into bigger proportions cracking my head with pangs of conscience. I could well take this adventure as just a rite of passage being new to Beijing and the covert gay businesses flourishing around town that I have never tried in my gay life. A proper mind-setting and some mantras could help alleviate the psychological impact of what I am engaging in. Guilt is just a difficult thing for me to bear. I can't lie. I am not good at it.

Well, in a few minutes the masseur will arrive and who knows how we will turn out to be. I am assured that he will be handsome and irresistible like the guy before. But I would like to do my homework after this and beg myself not to do it again. It is silly for me having a partner who loves me 101%.

Now let me answer the door....